Nona dolorosa, mate: Mutt's Weblague

J&M comic on top, biting form

2009-07-10T09:47:12Z

A little preamble for those who don't follow Jesus and Mo. The comic contains depictions of Jesus and Muhammad, with guest appearances from Moses – who, in his later years, has developed an interest in philosophy and New Age religious 'experiences'.

The barmaid is a recurring character, an atheist who strongly disagrees with Muhammad and Jesus on most things. Here's a rare moment of agreement between the three.

Jesus and Mo 10/7/09: Mouth

Today's episode appears to have been inspired by this, also a good read.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

hellmutt @ 2009-07-09T16:31:00

2009-07-09T15:35:30Z

Dutch is beautiful. I can read it without knowing any.

Unintentionally hilarious headline: Marokkanen gooien homo in het water (Moroccans throw gay in the water).

I'm currently watching Fitna, and yes, it's most definitely for work.

More dream larks.

2009-07-07T16:49:23Z

Two dreams...

One in which I was crossing Oxford Road, but the weather was temperate with scattered frictionlessness, so I ended up more or less skating across, still drifting sideways. Surreal and emotionless.

In the other, my home and garden were full of awesome, mostly endangered, wild animals. Um, yes. I watched a few, including a small black tapir-bearcub-wombat-looking thing, chase each other round the garden. Next, I discussed with another human occupant the possibility of the animals' breeding ("you can't be suggesting we separate the red pandas. They're on the brink of extinction!" "Oh, well, if they're on the brink, of course not" – they're actually classified vulnerable, as my naughty avatar well knew, but baby pandas is baby pandas and as such trump strict accuracy).

I wandered into the kitchen, where I decided that the tigers' cages were too small, to be honest, and in addition someone had thought the best way to introduce them was the time-honoured gerbil technique of partitioning one enclosure into two so the new roommates were able to smell each other and grow accustomed. However, I decided this probably would work, and the animals in question were pawing each other like playful kittens, so that was all right.

At one point midway through, I recall thinking "I hate that I can't tell if this is a dream or not." (As you can see, I'm not quite there with the lucid dreaming, but someday!) I also cuddled a pangolin's tummy, but it was not anatomically accurate – more like a tortoise-puppy hybrid with a few lame attempts at scales. I appreciated the effort, though.

My dreams are ridiculously easy to analyse.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

I can't read you, and I forgot my girlfriend bought me this rock. trufax.

2009-07-06T22:15:00Z

How young Suitov feels about Fi:

The breadth and depth of human emotion, encapsulated in two silly pop videos. Either that or they're two songs I like, because I'm a total faaaaaahg. <3

And a bit of this.

You see, right, hur hur, right, it's funny because Suitov is completely tone deaf. He used to scream and SCREAM when he was a baby if someone sang to him. As a young adult he just finds it dull and ghastly. (This are vry subtul symbulizum for heeza soulless bastid lol lol.)

A meme cunningly stolen from Zenbunny.

2009-07-06T17:36:30Z

1. Can you cook?

I can follow instructions competently, until something calls for manual skill (for example, anything beyond "fold X into Y"). I do not improvise with anything dangerous, e.g. hot ovens or bladed machinery. Generally I confine myself to grilling false meats and boiling chlorophyll to eat therewith, or stir frys.

2. What was your dream growing up?

Odd question. I suppose a growing-up with a bunch of komodo dragons and red pandas would've been quite dreamy, actually. Or a growing-up as a space pirate chieftain. I'd add "being raised by dogs", but I sort of was. Grew up with two.

3. What talent do you wish you had?

I'm a creator. It would amuse me to be THE creator. Bring me the pretenders, that I might remove and eat their hearts. (No, not you, Pratchett. Get back to work.)

Also, I'd quite like to be able to do that thing where you sing two notes at once.

4. Favourite place?

There's no place like home, namely the inside of my own head.

5. Favourite vegetable?

Currently, garden peas. Shut up; I'm not going to exclude things that are strictly fruits, not if they're savoury and green.

6. What was the last book you read?

I'm reading Women's Work (non fiction about weaving, yay researchlulz) in tree and the first PN Elrod vampire book in digital, only not, because the device in question is currently ker-borken.

7. What Zodiac sign are you?

Water Dog. I'm THIS close to inventing my own horoscope just for inane questions like this.

8. Any tattoos and/or piercings?

Over my dead skin! I have a cool mystery scar, though, and at the moment a red scratch across it from a huggy Boxer at the weekend.

9. Worst habit?

~~these~~ Filling in memes backwards.

Or saying stupid things in company.

Oh, or possibly denying the holy spirit.

10. Do you know the person from whom you got this meme, outside the internet?

Slen has met him IRL. I, alas, no.

11. What is your favourite sport?

The first ever organism to... ooh, Charly would be better at this... let's say the first mammal who convergently evolved scales. Although the first pistol shrimp must have been pretty awesome.

(I used a geeky minority definition of "sport", lulz)

12. Negative or optimistic attitude?

In whom? Prey??

I'm a cynic who is, deep down, convinced that the universe is a friendly and awesome place, Lovecraft notwithstanding, and that life is a joke that only I am beginning to get.

13. What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with me?

Hammer on the "door open" button, which I would do whoever the other party might be. If feeling ignored, I shall press the alarm call button and play the disability card to get rescued FASTER, PEONS.

Or, all right, probably mumble something about the weather.

14. Worst thing ever to happen to you?

School, hahaha...harrrrghhhgrhrhrhrhgg. *hunches back and glowers*

15. Tell me one weird fact about you.

I freak out BIG TIME when I hear any woman singing a capella. (I was recently stuck in a car with someone listening to a CD of this and damn near chewed my own finger off, seriously.) (Get any bright ideas about torturing me with this, however, and I'll just cure myself of it. I can do that.)

16. Do you have any pets?

I live in a constant state of "needs moar ~~dakka~~ dogs". I co-habit, however, with a white-and-black cat belonging to my mother. This does not count as a pet, because it is useless.

17. Do you know how to do the macarena?

Format dances are lame. I pioneer freestyle sleeping.

18. What time is it where you are now?

It is 13:37 wherever I am.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

I find it impossible to summon any kind of emotional response to clowns. They and their comedy are just... really lame.

Did you know clown makeup was developed as a way to exaggerate the performer's facial features so they would be visible from the back row? Or that there are three 'classes' of clown: the red nose (the buffoon), the white face (the undermined authority figure) and the character clown (sometimes called the tramp)?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

I'd redistribute some subcutaneous fat into a bin liner and give it to Tyler Durden, then tuck up all that loose skin. Also grow five inches taller.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

Look, I'm pretty much True Neutral. I advocate for the One Hoofed Angel. I am known to switch sides mid conversation. Don't ask me to make your decisions for you.

22. What colour are your eyes?

Mode: a pink-tinged sort of white. Median: a pink-tinged sort of white. Mean: very light, slightly warm grey.

23. Ever been arrested?

By your beauty.

24. Bottle or Draft?

Freshly-squeezed.

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

Ask xe.com how much that was in real money, then bank it.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

Bubble gum is icky in all of flavour, texture and bored cashiers chewing and inflating it. I have some spearmint chewing gum in my rucksack... but, as with most things, I like choc-mint and any fruit flavour except apricot or cassis (although I tried some really nice grapefruit and cassis stuff once).

27. Which bar or nightclub do you attend most often?

B...ar? I am a blushing innocent and know not of such things.

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

No, only in the coolness of ghost dogs. A minority enthusiasm, I'll grant you.

29. Favourite thing to do in your spare time?

Write silly things, some of which rhyme.

30. Do you swear a lot?

I alternate between foul-mouthedness and amusing British uses of "drat" and "jolly well".

31. Biggest pet peeve?

People who do not realise that the ages-old struggle between dogs and cats for humanity's souls is the single most important issue in the universe.

Also, relentlessly negative people who don't offer alternatives to the things they're slating. I used to do this a lot more than I currently do, so am entitled to look on it very strictly.

Also, people who cannot use APOSTROPHES.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Um... if it's hyphenated, does it count as one word?

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Evil dork-baby

2009-07-06T07:04:08Z

The ongoing saga of - well, mostly Dork Boy in this bit.

Little Rigey, in a four-and-a-half-year-old fit of temper, had declared that he was going to be an agrochemist and not a warlord. For this, he had been barred from the library.

(I didn't want to leave it there; this would've been longer with more dog if I hadn't run out of time and needed to go zzz.)

hellmutt @ 2009-07-04T23:36:00

2009-07-04T22:36:37Z

I know this expression. EXACTLY this expression.

I miss them so much. :(

hellmutt @ 2009-07-04T09:21:00

2009-07-04T08:22:38Z

I JUST TURNED DOWN A FOUNTAIN FAERIE QUEST, THINKING IT WAS THE WATER BINT.

For those who have no idea about Neopets, that's kind of a huge deal as far as pretend cartoon doggy pets go.

Special Wade icon and Blues Brothers Angel Dog to celebrate my fail.

Astronomy dognomy.

2009-07-02T14:10:32Z

An informative diagram. Go look.

SO WHO ARE THE REAL ALIENS HERE, EH???

(*title puns)

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Mostly to test new Twitter plugin.

2009-06-28T13:46:19Z

Overtures

I lick my nose and turn my head askance
to let you know I mean you only well,
and duck my head in playful bow: let's dance.
Oh no? Your choice. So, care to have a smell?
Well, let me sniff your bottom — what's amiss?
I'm friendly, look: my tail is whizzing round;
let's — gracious me, whatever was that hiss?
You heard that, right? Extraordinary sound.
So anyway, you want to see my toys?
Or run around and bark and bark at bikes?
Why, there it is again, that hissing noise.
Ignore it; let's play chase. I'll get you — yikes!
I didn't know you had a bunch of those!
That hurt, I — Mummy, help, she got my nose!

I'm currently listening to one of cubicgarden's trance mixes. If this thing rickrolls me, I'll have to vanquish him on Monday.

Oh, and as soon as the healing springs faerie heals my Lupe I'm painting her Spotted, because I just got the PB and the spotted Lupe looks just like an African Wild Dog, for which I'm a sucker. (So she'll be a literal Painted Dog, then...)

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

My desktop today

2009-06-26T10:19:26Z

The image is Media Response to Celebrity Death from picturesforsadchildren.com. I love it. (Also see the LJ entry if you fancy starting a flame war or being scarred by image macros.)

As for Jackson, all I'll say is that he was cleared of all child abuse charges by a court of law.

edit: All right, all I'll say is the preceding and also the first few seconds of this (0:55-1:05). It's hard to find that scene on the tubes.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Horsey hoofs and more Twitter blather (with question)

2009-06-25T14:06:41Z

I seem to have become addicted to posting 'microfiction' on Twitter. This must be how they get you sucked in. #Brains.

Question: Would you like, dislike or be indifferent to seeing my Twitter updates mirrored on my blog (probably in a single post per day from some tool like LoudTwitter)?

If I found a thing that would only collect and post updates that contained certain user-defined hashtags, I'd use that for sure.

I get my two week placement with FM&T soon. Looking forward to it. I think they want to keep me on for longer.

Seen a cool video that will interest Altivo and other fur-types.

That's randomly got me looking at paw glove tutorials on YouTube. I'm not a furry or fursuiter and don't have any interest in the whole full-body itchy-plastic-fuzz deal, but I would love a properly awesome pair of paw gloves with proper pads, like so (but Black Dog, or Grey Dog, instead of Red Fox).

I saw some leatherwork gloves that are nice-looking, but far too fetishy and immobile. I'm nervous about my manual dexterity or movement being impaired in any way. (The shoes are awesome, though.)

I suppose fingerless fursuit gloves would be object-defeatist. I do like my fingerless gloves, though. Shame it's too hot at the moment to wear them.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Chew and gulp

2009-06-24T17:19:57Z

Blossoming hatchlings
teeter, flutter, tweet and fall
to fly or feed cats

Songdog's written a post about Haiku Day on Twitter. Seeing his updates (and others') is what's got me doing a bit of haiku'ry there myself. Twitter's character limit lends itself well.

Hence, today, the above in response to this from Altivo. "Tweet" not an intentional pun. Title of post is.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

I miss writing poetry, so:

2009-06-23T14:17:21Z

Removing my cap
the passing of the cortège
sham solemnity

(Not based on an actual event, but could be.)

edit: Also, as I remarked to SongdogMI on Twitter,

Algorithm 5
cryptographically digests
into sixteen bytes

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

gibber

2009-06-20T13:06:46Z

Slen and I played Arkham Horror round at someone's house last night. It's great fun! We had eight players plus the host, who GMed (doesn't need a GM, but it was very helpful because some of us hadn't played before). In fact we stayed so on top of things that it was really easy to win, despite the GM doing his best to, erm, 'liven things up' for us. Also, I got some odd looks from cooing in delight over the Hound of Tindalos.

During the game I went and talked to the Black Man for a laugh, seeing as my character had a sanity bonus so couldn't die during that encounter. I failed the roll but couldn't be devoured, found it much funny and didn't think much more of it.

So later last night, erm, I had some dreams.

Very, very whacked-out dreams. And I woke up with a non-existent and horrendous pop song in my head, a song that IMO could have come from nowhere but R'lyeh. It seriously took me about ten minutes to stop being very very confused. I was glad of that sanity bonus.

Am now in perfect frame of mind to have a go at fixing mum's Inspiron.

EDIT:

Who Are You In The Cthulhu Mythos?

You are a HOUND OF TINDALOS, a fearsome quadruped that travels between dimensions by materialising through corners and angles, from which the only hiding place is within a sphere. The hounds hunt the dimensions in search of food, humans being a particular favourite, whom they devour with their huge conical tongues through which the victims' vital essences are sucked.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

A geek girl who knows what she wants

2009-06-19T16:19:08Z

Discuss. (How much you wish girls like this actually existed.)

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

2009-06-19T11:25:15Z

What fictional character do you most identify with?

View other answers

Recently, Dexter Morgan, sociopathic main character in the Dexter television series (and books, but the series is bizarrely much better).

Otherwise, any narrating male character. If it's first person or there's a wry and cynical voiceover, I identify.

And by identify, I mean... well, what I want to happen in the story is the same as whatever's best for the character (although my goals as reader/viewer remain primarily to be entertained, which can include screwing over the main character royally, of course).

I'm not sure I actually identify with characters in the sense of "feel closer to them because they have something in common with me".

For example, in Joe Abercrombie's First Law trilogy I am particularly keen on the torturer Sand dan Glokta, a former army pretty-boy until he was horribly crippled, and other than his cynicism and dark humour Glokta is not a person with whom I'd want to feel I have much in common. But I still liked him and wanted him to succeed, while with some of the other main characters, though I liked them and found them fascinatingly effed-up too, I wasn't as keyed-up for them to succeed.

I like fictional characters for what life has turned them into and what they do about it next. I don't really put myself in their shoes much, other than "yep, I'd have done the same" / "haha, what a stupid thing to do! Can't wait to see what happens now!"

Please nobody say they relate to Weft, or I'll feel a little guilty. >:}

Why dogs are from Germany

2009-06-19T09:57:32Z

I have been jumped upon by a Staffie on the tram. The Staffie should not, strictly speaking, have been on the tram in the first place, but I wasn't complaining. Any contact with dogs fairly sets me up for the day. I miss them a lot. Besides, he is a friendly Staffie and my trousers are now patched with dog slime. Good Dog. Annoying owners, though.

I think I eye people's dogs in a way that confuses the owners. They jerk the dog away or step off the pavement as if thinking I'm afraid of it, when in fact I'm conducting a leisurely exchange of looks with the dog oblivious to its walking assistant. Guess I should smile too, or say something to the owner. I'm not all that good at smiling to order, though; people occasionally seem to interpret them as angry grimaces or nervousness. And I'm worried people might ~~realise~~somehow think I want to kidnap their dog. Honestly, relax, we don't have room at home!

Walking among real people reminds me of being a GCSE French student in France, where attempts to speak the language can be met a little rudely and you occasionally get the feeling they'd rather you didn't bother trying. Yaknow, at least in Germany I was generally spoken to politely and slowly, as if they were pleased I'd made the effort.

Therefore, I present to you Hellmutt's Eurospecies Law:

Humans are from France; dogs are from Germany.

Bill Bailey last night was awesome. Highly recommended. I particularly like his musical skits.

We ate at the Eighth Day before the show. I've been in there several times to buy stuff, but never gone to their restaurant. It's a simple and cheerful canteen-style affair, and they get mega points from me for... their toilets! It's something as simple as putting "Unisex" instead of "Disabled" on the third door, but it made me feel so welcome.

Possibly playing Arkham Horror round at someone's house tonight if we can work out how to get there. Hastur la vista, baby!

(edit: I've been #followfridayed on Twitter. Give me a moment to pick up my jaw off the floor.)

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Robot h0rs

2009-06-18T15:26:17Z

I'm pleased to report that I have seen not one, but two Aibos, and that I still want one.

Aside possibly from hypothetical robot pangolins and Razer from Robot Wars¹, robot dogs are the undisputed coolest thing in existence.

I've also witnessed a Pleo attacking a Sony Rolly.

I want one of these.

Seeing Bill Bailey tonight, woo! I bought Slen a ticket for his birthday.

¹ OK. Dead Metal is awesome too. I so want the thing.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Writer's Block: Conversion Rate

2009-06-18T14:27:35Z

Have you ever considered converting to another religion?

View other answers

Oh you silly question. Why would I worship anyone but myself?

(Atheism isn't a "religion", so mine is irrelevant for the sake of this question - which just leaves the autotheism. And if you're wondering to what extent I'm joking when I claim to be an autotheist, good.

I use 'suitheist' and 'autotheist' interchangeably as appropriate, because there's some room for confusion in the latter.)

hellmutt @ 2009-06-17T18:02:00

2009-06-17T17:08:02Z

So someone mentions Peter Pan on Twitter, and the first thing/character I think of from it? Nana.

I think something's on my mind...

This is what I do on stuck trams...

2009-06-16T09:52:07Z

New-turned and porous
scent of my border
Earthworms in chorus
like the first dawn.
Praise for the chirping,
praise for the churning,
praise for the slurping
of my wet lawn.

I have much <3 for Cat Stevens' setting, but it does lack squelchiness!

</hoping this doesn't count as Cat Stevens fanfic>

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

hellmutt @ 2009-06-15T15:51:00

2009-06-15T14:53:11Z

Much improved. Wolvie and Cyke can go jump off a Watcher.

What'choo wanna do? Man, I wanna droop!

2009-06-14T19:39:38Z

Droople Droople Droople? Drupe Drupe Drupe! *waves flag*

I'm back from DrupalCamp UK, where I was helping out – partly because I'm interested in Drupal (it and I will do Great Things together, yes, my pretty), partly because it was held at my workplace and partly because I know Ian and some of the other GeekUprs who organised it. It was nothing to do with the pizzas (70 of them. Seriously. Between just over 80 attendees), although those were nice, and provided an... interesting challenge trying to get enough people who would take the leftovers home.

Really, really good weekend. I have a stressball in the shape of the Drupal droplet and a USB stick with DAMP on it. Those plus a couple of stickers are about it for schwag, although there was also a prize draw giveaway thing for lots of books. (All fully compliant with BBC competition guidelines, of course.) I've also been lionised and ego-stroked by slightly drunk developers, which my psyche apparently interprets as a Good Thing. In fact I'm evidently so awesome that everyone's desperate for me to help out at the next northern Droople event. Provisionally yes, depending how I feel tomorrow morning and what becomes of the one or two blister startups on my feet.

So, I've learned a lot from the (parts of) talks I saw, even when some things were over my head, met lots of neat people whose names I of course instantly forgot, and generally Organised Things. This meant everything from chucking a napkin in the direction of a spilled pint, through whisking round with spray cleaner on the morning of Day Two, via making sure windows and doors were open to counteract the broken air con and roomsful of sweaty geeks, to telling people which talk was happening where and what they were likely to be about. Also seen some coooool modules and stuff in action, such as Administration Menu.

I'm all fired up about making Profusion work niceynicey on Drupe now. If only there were a halfway house between Drupal and a messageboard system (that ISN'T a phpBB clone *blech*), that would really be ideal. Either that or we could stand to reimagine our play-by-message-board dynamic, and, well, Change is Scary.

Forays into Twitter don't seem to have harmed my usual pointless verbosity.

Poetry!!1!

And now I'm tired. And it's a normal work week starting tomorrow!

*droops*

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Drops of DAMP

2009-06-12T15:24:20Z

Guess I know what I'm doing this weekend after all; I'd forgotten until this morning (yay Outlook reminders!) that I'd agreed to help out with DrupalCampUK.

That also answers any questions I might've had about what to do this evening. That's right: get my V6 on and then see if I can get NodeProfile to do what I need it to... namely provide 'child profiles' for main profiles, call them 'character' and 'author' if you will, effectively allowing the author to post in-character. (You see? Everything I do, I do it for you...)

Am now itching for one of these. And a netbook to use it on. I do rather like being technology-lite, being naturally inclined to hold out until direct neural interfaces are available, but the drawbacks of being disconnected from the mothercloudwebnet in the meantime are starting to outweigh the benefits of not being mugged.

View the original post at Black Dog Blog

Nona dolorosa, mate: Mutt's Weblague

J&M comic on top, biting form

hellmutt @ 2009-07-09T16:31:00

More dream larks.

I can't read you, and I forgot my girlfriend bought me this rock. trufax.

A meme cunningly stolen from Zenbunny.

Evil dork-baby

hellmutt @ 2009-07-04T23:36:00

hellmutt @ 2009-07-04T09:21:00

Astronomy dognomy.

Mostly to test new Twitter plugin.

Overtures

My desktop today

Horsey hoofs and more Twitter blather (with question)

Chew and gulp

I miss writing poetry, so:

*gibber*

A geek girl who knows what she wants

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

Why dogs are from Germany

Robot h0rs

Writer's Block: Conversion Rate

hellmutt @ 2009-06-17T18:02:00

This is what I do on stuck trams...

hellmutt @ 2009-06-15T15:51:00

What'choo wanna do? Man, I wanna droop!

Drops of DAMP

gibber