Pet labrador which 'knew train timetable' dies (shut up, it is not a slow news day!1!)

Read the original story too, linked in the sidebar. That signalman is after my own heart.

Police making arrests 'just to gather DNA samples'

Colours, sounds and moving objects

HIV infections and deaths fall as drugs have impact

The worldwide stats are really interesting.

Grandmother monkeys care for baby

I bet this guy is the new football sex symbol. Ladies?

NOM!

This article also wins for coining a slightly more disturbing variant of "it's not rocket science":

"We're not building an atomic bomb," he points out. "You just have to use the right quantities, and the right ingredients."

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On trams too, please!

(If someone were to give me a Wave Bubble for Christmas, chances are high that I'd wuv them forever for months.)

Mussolini's 'brain and blood for sale on internet' – presumably to frustrated commuters for vodou purposes

Astronaut on space shuttle Atlantis becomes a father – more impressive if it was "becomes a mother"...

Galileo gives Church the finger from a Florence museum. Wait, did I read that right?

Iraqi children attend a pretend maths class

On the Origin of Faeces

(Hel yes I went there.)

Captions <3

And finally, fabbydabbydoo pictures of nature pwnage.

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If you don't eat your mutt you can't have any puddy! How can you have any puddy if you won't eat your mutt?!

(Picture = cutest brindle mastiff EVAR TODAY.)

Dog survives 65ft plunge into sea, looks nervously at RNLI rescuers licking their lips.

Swan

Penguin

Bat

Shackleton's whisky to be dug up

Bitter divorcees 'using children'

It's arseholes like this who should be stopped from marrying, not them scary scary gays.

Megaloceros giganteus (giant deer) starved to death during ice age. Clearly they didn't think of storing their booze in a nearby glacier.

"That means that mainland giant deer had some sort of refugia from the Ice Age before they met their ultimate extinction; they were able to move to a better environment and survive later," says Ms Chritz. BBC

And that, my UK friends, is why moose go to Iceland.

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The Cat Piano, an animated noir beat poem.

This was really designed. Like KJ Parker with her special longbow, I don't want to know if it was ever built.

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Rare Barbastelle bat found on the Isle of Wight

White hind caught on camera in Scotland; Queens Susan, Lucy, Kings Peter, Edmund, seen rushing to site

This article can't make up its mind whether the hind (which is a female deer) should be referred to as "it" or "she". Come on, folks, language guidelines should state that if an animal's sex is known, he or she should be referred to appropriately. Possibly non-sexually-dimorphic arthropods and small fish could be exempt, but it's stupid to refer to a queen bee or ant drone as "it".

Dog lost in Afghan battle returns. Again with the "its"! What is this rudeness? To a war veteran, no less! (Oh, sorry, Sabi, I meant to say war experienced person.)

28,000 people in the UK have black and white television sets.

You mean BCC, sigh...

Nu Labour in a nutshell:

"It is with considerable disappointment, therefore, that the government has agreed not to remove the 'freedom of expression' section."

The superstitions around opening an umbrella indoors apparently date back to the Ancient Egyptians.

Nurse shark? This one's a midwife.

Smart wife launches her own entrapment operation to catch her paedophile husband in the act. Also, they live in Pantygog.

Chile says "thanks but no thanks" to statue of authoritarian paedophile-abetting misogynist with creepy Virgin Mary fixation. Sadly not on those grounds, just because of an underground car park.

This one's fascinating: Traditional African rulers should apologise for the role they played in the slave trade, a Nigerian rights group has said.

'I agreed to become a suicide bomber' – after days of beatings and being shouted at, poor kid. I admire him.

Greek Church throws a hissy fit about a ban on "the compulsory display of crucifixes" in classrooms.

Darwin foiled by ambulance service

Lion is taken on midnight safari. Disapproves of stop signs but enjoyed drive-thru.

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I'm not sure if I've ever blogged this before. It is a thing of truth, justice, beauty and win.

On Them, by Hilaire Belloc

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19 October

Dear Mr. Crash,

It has come to our attention that Mina's medical claims for food containing meat have been falsified.

Please inform your cat that she is becoming vegetarian, effective tomorrow morning.

Any further demands for meat will be passed to our claims handling department.

Without Prejudice,

Neil Jobsbody
Ofcat, Fraud Department

Forest pursues 'dark sky' status. Galloway is in the south of Scotland. This would be the first certified 'dark sky' place outside the USA (which you'd think would have a natural advantage in the sheer amount of less-populated space over there).

Dolphin football off north coast

Massive killer whale pod sighted

"I'm utterly lost for words" – well shut up, then; your yapping isn't adding to the moment here!

Royal award for fold-up bike man

Swedes divided over bunny biofuel

Slightly misleading picture of a pet bunny. We're talking about dead wild rabbits. Given a bunch of dead rabbits after a cull that would have happened regardless, you can incinerate them, toss them into a mass grave or try to put them to some kind of use. Left up to me, well, somebody's doggies would have some very nice gourmet cooked meals.

Dogs who attacked child will be destroyed

I wonder how many of the roughly 50% of UK inhabitants who oppose the death penalty for humans (I know, frighteningly low number) would also oppose it for dogs.

Delay formal lessons 'to age six'

I dunno. If we can trust parents to teach and engage their kids in the meantime, that'd be good. And then there's the question of if parents can afford to stay at home and teach their kids (and in an ideal world the answer to this should be absolutely yes). Not necessarily formal lesson-style learning, but socialisation, zoo, finger-painting, all the stuff a kid needs to experience.

My concern (as usual) is about gifted kids especially, and stunted potential all around. I needed to start reading at age two, and if I hadn't had a minion on hand to teach me, it would've been rubbish.

"Everybody is used to science fiction featuring science that seems, well, not very scientific."

Er, if we're being pedantic, I beg to dub that 'science fantasy' or soft SF, not cool hard sci-fi. But continue.

Welcome to the world of sci-fi science

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In today's "won't you walk into my parlour" news...

Cat Party to recruit mice, Nazi party to admit Jews, Roma, disabled people, and: BNP to consider non-white members.

Vatican to host Galileo exhibit. Sounds fabtastic. I'd like to see it.

Nice try, kid, but no cigar. Of course, he will have learned much from this preliminary attempt.

Israel taking a leaf out of the Bush administration's books. I'll be interested to see if Obama takes action on this kind of thing. America's about the only country to whom they're remotely likely to listen, and at least the "We Take the Book of Revelation Literally, Roll On Battle of Megiddo" loon squad are no longer in power.

Seal pups: look cute, but don't approach or you could cause them to starve.

Beautiful microscopy photos of blood cells and nerves.

Adults with autism 'cast adrift' in England

This, er, wow. So what are Auschwitz's five favourite singers and which Heroes character would Auschwitz be? Now we can find out. Er.

RIVAL CHILD OVERACHIEVER! It is so cute pathetic that at age 27 I still feel threatened by this kind of brat... oh man... issues. ;D

These poor kids, on the other hand, are lucky if they can learn at all.

Finally, I have to post this for you lot for the name alone. North Korea's Hotel of DOOM.

(Not to be confused with Latveria's Doctor of Doom or Disneyland's Tower of Terror, of course.)

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"I felt I'd test my hypothesis and I did that by getting my cat certified by a number of the most prominent lay hypnosis organisations in the United States. It was a frighteningly simple process."

Cat registered as hypnotherapist

Look at the picture of the cat, though. That's an intense expression – every bit as convincing as Derren Brown. And less trustworthy.

'Lying down' NHS staff reinstated

Cage fighter punches out stag

Honour killings given Bollywood flavour

Uruguay approves sex change bill, jubilant blogger tries desperately not to type "You mean Uragay lol lol :D"

Cut them off with a rusty butter knife.

Derry City Council's Hallowe'en carnival encourages Satanism and has brought a curse on the city, according to a Methodist minister.

I don't celebrate Hallowe'en, but that Methodist minister has just caused me to drink some water as a proxy libation to Bau and Anubis (which I reasoned ought to count as Satan in his book). Self-important arsenoses like Rev Jonathan Campbell make Satanism look more attractive than do 19-year-old skinhead trick-or-treaters or noisy drunk people having fun.

Abortion bans do not reduce abortion rates. I'm sure pro-life mysogynists will not allow these facts to inconvenience them.

Yes they should – why don't they already?!

Berners-Lee 'sorry' for slashes, fanfiction writers up in arms

New flying reptile fossils found

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Egypt to become den of vice and harlots with visible eyes

Saudi to become den of vice, mixed-sex conversations and literate car-driving harlots

Witch schools. I wonder why this upsets me so much less than Christian missionaries doing the same. Probably some ill-defined idea of cultural naturalness.

World's oldest POWs returned home

These people are spawning 10+ mini-mes and imbuing them with their Invisible Magic Friend disease while Brits raise one or two apiece and teach them about things like open minds. Something's going wrong here. Something's going very wrong.

In shock news, several gay Conservatives have been found to be able to live with themselves.

The latest craze to hit New York: Text My Beaver.

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Cat miaow music video – surely the only one in existence that doesn't suck.

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I still want to start the British chapter:

• Just heard of @Earthbound_Pets (fabtastic idea) – as a British #atheist, I'm going to ask them to set up a UK chapter. Nation of pet lovers! #
• "At this time we are not expanding our area or pet rescue teams. Should that change we will keep your email on file and be in contact." Bum. #

More general rubbish:

• How could Nala and Simba (who, tho rubbish, is still Mufasa's son) produce such a waste of space as Kiara? No, Lion King 2, you are UNcanon. #
• Don't ask why the Hindu festival of Thaipusam is making me think of straight-to-vid Fox&Hound-wannabe Disney sequels. Because I've no idea. #
• Oh, and Disney bought Marvel, which horrifyingly makes Incredibles/X-Men crossovers a possibility. Save us, Deadpool, save us. #
• Always have urge to yell at storms. Nature, trying to be MY boss? I can out-howl you any day of the...wait, weekday. No shouting at weather. #
• I've decided I won't rest until UGC is considered a verb. A dark, insinuating, ominous verb. Although actually I will rest, so that's a lie. #
• #vss #mfic 'Sleep paralysis': waking immobile, with a feeling of dread and a crushing sensation in the chest. Also known as 'owning a cat'. #
• True to my stated objective of drinking less aspartame-ridden Coke Zero, have been drinking a lot of Pepsi Max instead. ...Wait. Damn. #
• Friend introduced me to the term 'straight edge'. Apparently people who make it a point of pride to be obnoxious right-wing versions of me. #
• My middle name celebrates a deep historical and etymological connection between dogs and cynics. Unfortunately, all it looks is pretentious. #
• If a guy behind you in line for ATM keeps saying Babe & making kissy sounds, best hope he's on a phone. Esp if you're too short to slug him. #
• Joanna Lumley is doing a cat prog, like Martin Clunes's one with dogs. How to pad "Annoying gits stink, shed, shred & ignore you" into 2×60? #

This in response to Zenbunny's post about Finland's seriously cute inferiority complex:

• #competitivefinnbaiting Finland has done nothing good since ABBA! (I love you, Finland. But your countryman drove me to this.) #
• Sexually harassing Finland. "You are the pin-up girl of Europe. You'll make someone a fine trophy annexe someday." #competitivefinnbaiting #
• Although context is for the weak, I should mention that the #competitivefinnbaiting is all in good fun with a darling Finnish mate. ILU .fi! #

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• Life kicked my arse before I got out of bed. The sort of mood even sexually harassing pigeons couldn't lift...but geek banter has worked. <3 #
• "If I compare Ricky Gervais's humour to science..." Weirdest snatch of conversation ever from Radio 4 earlier today. #
• Young family plays on hillside, to be put to death in December: http://bit.ly/12Ntus #
• "Total Wipeout is now following you on Twitter!" *screams* ... *screams* #
• Fruitbat, http://bit.ly/XICeo axolotl http://bit.ly/NTH4I threatened. Beautiful flesh bug http://bit.ly/VBwZk WTF http://bit.ly/12P4qN #news #
• Why #dogs bite their owners. http://bit.ly/Pzh8I #poodle #dogfashion #wtf #
• "I would like to live in Manchester. The transition between Manchester and heaven would be unnoticeable" -Mark Twain #manchesterfacts via QI #
• For the record, lastfm soundslike:Rhapsody of Fire helps is balm for bad moods. Avantasia, "Another angel doooown" \m/ http://bit.ly/3HWuhp #
• Delphi! #Delphi! There's a blast from the past... or not. Look at all the things that are still written in it! http://bit.ly/qcv3x #
• Gently reproved @binhbui earlier for asking fellow geeks "you want to play table tennis?" Told him the correct way to phrase this is "Ping?" #

OMG PHOTOS

• http://twitpic.com/fdbxj – Ohhhh yeah. Back from watching G-Force in 3D with @binhbui, @paulmsmith and @spielbergio. #
• http://twitpic.com/fdc9e – I am not the werewolf. #

Twitter film reviews!

• #gforce is lots of silly fun – great special effects, Dobermans, fast-paced, genuinely LOL moments, a little unbearable sap and flag-waving. #
• I liked how the black guinea pig was black and could breakdance. That wasn't racist. #gforce #
• I liked how the girl guinea pig was sexy, crazy, evil and manipulated the men. That wasn't sexist. #gforce #

Fiiiiction.

• #vss Weft put his head round the door. "Did you miss me?" "You've only been gone nine minutes," said Suitov. "You noticed!" Weft chirped. #
• #vss #mfic My beautiful unborn young. Their flexible, round eggs, pentagonal-patched, in your garages, gardens, offices, lockers... waiting. #
• The pair who show up in some of my #vss / #mfic tweets: Suitov http://bit.ly/suitov & Weft http://bit.ly/wefty (stylised art by yours truly) #
• #vss #mfic Filming Hirst's Mother and Child Divided at the Tate for his art series, the little mule suddenly wished he wasn't called Muffin. #
• #vss #mfic She came round. Head shaved. Orange jumpsuit. Wrists sore from cuffs. "Welcome, inmate!" It was Ch. 4's replacement for Big Bro. #

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Here, have an "accessibility fail" image macro. Perfect for sending to your DDA-flouting website friends, or any other (real life) instances of accessibility fail.

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We went to an RSPCA talk at the Eighth Day last night.

Beforehand was a vegan buffet, all included in the £10 ticket price, and it was completely amazing. There were quiches and dips and things you'd expect in veg*n nosh, all very nice, and also some awesome tofu-nut wrappy things. Some non-vegetarians there remarked that they wouldn't mind eating like this every night, and I have to agree. There was lots of nummy fresh fruit and, horror of horrors, the ACTUAL MOST DELICIOUS BROWNIES EVER, which also happened to be vegan, as well as thick, chocolatey, nutty and all gooey in the middle. Just to torment me, these aren't included on the Eighth Day recipes page.

The talk was cool too. The emphasis was on information rather than stories of outrage (not that I particuarly mind stories of outrage; such things are happening to my brethren, cats, rabbits and miscellaneous, and everyone should know about it).

Facts I heard last night:

• The RSPCA was formed before the police. William Wilberforce was one of the founders. Police officers who sneer at RSPCA inspectors for not being 'proper' inspectors are barking up the wrong history.
• The maximum prison sentence for even the most disturbing animal abuse is six months. What with the law not doing what it says it will, this can in practice mean buggerall. People can be banned from keeping animals for life, but you aren't checked against any kind of record when you buy a pet.
• In case you think the RSPCA is too court-happy, only 1% of the calls to its national helpline results in prosecution. What's really interesting is that 98% of prosecutions brought by the RSPCA result in successful convictions. In comparison to the CPS, which quotes 80.7% (the inspector claimed a lower figure last night, which might have been for a different category of cases, can't remember), that's pretty freaking amazing, and brought about through honest, meticulous effort in by presenting their cases.
• The RSPCA can't do anything about stray dogs. That's the legal responsibility of local councils, who will still put a dog to sleep after 7 days if he or she is sick or injured.
• Unless an animal has been abandoned for a specified period, the RSPCA can't take him/her – or it's theft. (Taking and neutering someone's pet would be criminal damage!) This leads inspectors to farcical dances like putting tape over keyholes and cards in hinges to prove the owner hasn't returned, and feeding animals through letterboxes for a couple of days before they can be rescued.
• When it comes to proscutions the RSPCA takes the same line as mental health employees are advised to take when assaulted by their patients. Even though the offenders are often vulnerable people, the RSPCA will prosecute anyway, because it needs to be on record that this person is dangerous – and in cases of animal abuse, without necessarily apportioning blame, they absolutely should be prevented from keeping animals.
• A funny-horrific local story is going to hit the headlines later this month (subject to court proceedings). I'm not sure how much I should say, but it'll be notable for some oddities about the offender, as well as the sheer number of animals involved.

I didn't realise the RSPCA has an international section, and definitely didn't realise that each local division is a completely separate, individual charity, acting rather like a 'franchise' of the national charity. They work with the inspectorate (who are the national bit) but don't receive any funding from them (they have to raise it themselves), and have quite a bit of autonomy around the core RSPCA rules.

Which prompts me to include the local RSPCA in my payroll giving, now I know that's a separate thing from the national org...

My mother's come away with the idea of fostering pregnant queens, which is worrying. I took her there for the greater glory of DOGS WITH WHITE HAIRS ON THEIR MUZZLES, not PULSATING KITTY MOTHERSHIPS INCUBATING TINY KITTY-CLONES. Puppies I can appreciate; red panda cubs likewise melt my stony heart; newborn kittens are disgusting mewling wet things that might as well be human for all the appeal they hold for any right-thinking person.

Now here's a random video I found about recyclable cloth gift-wrapping. Like anything vaguely origami-ish, I find it both fascinating and completely incomprehensible. I just watched it happen, but how does it work?

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The Crow Paradox: crows can recognise you, but you can't tell them apart.

Moral: if you're a human, don't harass crows – unless you're wearing a mask.

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